


keep going

by befham



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/befham/pseuds/befham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'If she looks at him, lets this man who causes her so much pain and joy into her heart one more time she knows that it could end in her death, even with her children's.' - Spoilers for 6x02</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep going

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 6x02. Do not read if you haven't seen it. 
> 
> Takes place during Jax and Tara's last scene.

She used to be a strong woman.

Before she came back to Charming.

Before she let Jackson Teller back into her life.

Before.

But every morning when she looks at herself in the mirror, she sees a shell of the independent woman who fought to become a surgeon when everybody thought she wouldn't make anything out of herself thanks to her drunk Daddy.

Every morning she thinks what happened to you?

How did she become this person who relies on a man who kills somebody on a daily basis?

Everything that she is doing breaks her heart. Divorce, custody of the boys. Guilt weighs heavily on her heart every moment since she came up with this plan. She wonders sometimes if she can truly go through with it. Can she really leave Jackson Teller a second time? Can she really take his children away from him?

If she looks at him, lets this man who causes her so much pain and joy into her heart one more time she knows that it could end in her death, even with her children's. Each moment away from him steeled her resolve to get away from him and this life, but one moment in his arms and she's almost ready to crumble and say _fuck this_ and descend further into hell with him. It's the image of her boys and the life that maybe growing inside of her that keeps her eyes from his face.

She can't bear to look at him. Each snap of his hips causes such a bittersweet pleasure it makes her eyes tear. The beautiful man who once promised to get out of this life, who promised her the world, has long since disappeared. And though she still loves him, the man who fucks her now can barely look her in the eye and all she can think is _what happened to you? What happened to us? Why won't you choose me, your family just once?_

She bites her lip to keep herself from begging, because she knows now that Jackson Teller will always put his club before his family, and she can't bear to be put in second place again.

As his thrusts speed up and he spills himself inside of her, the tears that she has fought so hard not to shed spill as she thinks that she's going to miss this.

Miss _him._

Jax once told her that he thought that she was meant to get him out of this life. But now she knows that he will never leave, but maybe she was meant to get his children out of Charming.

Tara Knowles may love Jackson Teller, she may love him more that her own life. But she loves her children more, and as Jax collapses in exhaustion on top of her body, she clings to him and repeats over and over in her head _I'm so sorry. ___


End file.
